I didn't want to be that girl - mainly because the guy wasn't my type - but it suddenly occurred to me that I could use Tinder to curate my fantasy of sleeping with a woman. Even though we had the same body parts, this was a totally different angle and I had no idea what to do. And if I can do that, bloody hell, what can't I do? At first, it reminded me that there were people who could fancy me. After years of wondering, Kate Leaver hit Tinder to live out her ultimate fantasy. She pinned me down on her purple sheets and talked to me while she kissed her way down my chest, tummy and tops of my thighs. It might sound funny, but making another woman orgasm made me see my own body as attractive.
I was worried she might be offended at the thought of being my 'experiment', but she said she found the idea of being my first a massive turn-on, and we arranged a date for the following Saturday. I went home the next morning feeling completely satisfied. She was 30, half-Spanish, half-Australian with green eyes and rapid-fire banter, but after three days she simply vanished, and I never heard from her again. Nobody offered to send me dick pics straight away. Then there was Cassie, 28, with long dark hair, twice as curvy as me, twice as confident and a total dream. When I told my sister, she insisted I try again.
That was my secret for years - and I liked it that way. But I was so nervous, I drank too much and yelled at him about feminism and climate change. Then she arched one eyebrow, stood up, insisted on paying for our drinks and pulled me out onto the street. In one of her photographs, she was sitting at a candlelit table wearing a low-cut black dress, smiling into the camera. My swiping-but-not-talking phase lasted a month until, after encouragement from some work friends, I agreed to meet one guy for a drink. I've always been sensible, sweet and bookish Kate - the girl with the good grades, good career and good relationship.
A month into my 'Women Only' mission, I matched with a girl called Nikky. I take love one person at a time, whether they're male or female. We continued this sweet little seduction dance for a while, sitting closer and closer to one another and inventing reasons to touch, then talking about something completely unsexy to give me more time to build up my courage. She gives the driver directions to her place, then pins me up against the window, smiles at me with her ridiculously beautiful face, and kisses me. I'd slept with a woman and it had been sweet and raunchy in exactly the way I'd hoped.
I couldn't stop looking at her, touching her, kissing her everywhere. In fact, I was surprised by how many I found attractive. Right now, I want monogamy with a man, but that doesn't necessarily make me exclusively heterosexual. Sex with a woman brought out a mysterious, daring side that nobody expected, including myself. . I started watching lesbian porn when I was 24 and realised women's bodies turned me on.
I've only ever been in relationships with guys, but I always wondered what it'd be like to sleep with a woman. The break-up was excruciating - I loved him very much - but necessary. I tried to imitate what I knew felt good on me, and it was received pretty well. It was liberating and taught me to appreciate the beauty of women's bodies, including my own. It looked like she was on a date and I remember thinking, 'I wish it was with me'. I'd drunk my nerves away and by the time we stumbled through her front door, into her room and onto her bed, I surprised myself with how confident I felt with her.
Diana, a 36-year-old Brazilian dancer, called me 'a pretty mermaid angel'; Isabella, 22, conversed exclusively in emojis; Myf, a sweet 27 year old from Wales, was only in town for three days, and Bobbie, 29, was too into her cats for my liking. We stumble out of a tiny bar onto the street and look at each other. Late one night, about six months after I'd joined, I was idly scrolling through the app when a photo of an extremely hot couple 'looking for another girl for fun' caught my eye. I still fantasise about women. It made me feel powerful and sexy and open to anything. We got in the cab and made out the whole way to her place. Girl-on-girl Tinder felt gentler and less threatening.
It's never been about a specific person; more just fleeting fantasies about strangers. Her interest in me was clear - and I knew I was attracted to her. I told her I'd never been with a woman and I wanted to change that. I started watching lesbian porn when I was 24 and realised women's bodies turned me on. I'd pause on each girl, and picture kissing her to test whether I still found the whole thing hot. Sure, I thought it'd be hot to try something different, but I had no idea how to make it happen, and didn't really expect it to. I didn't tell anyone for ages, because it felt awesome to hug that secret night to myself.
Either way, sleeping with Nikky changed me. It's something I'd do again, if the timing was right. Friday night, and I'm two hours, four cocktails and three intense kisses into my first-ever date with a woman. Some names have been changed. When I did finally open up to a few close friends, they were shocked but also proud of me, and I loved that. She went down on me and it felt amazing, like she really knew what she was doing.
Yes, things could get cheeky - a couple of girls shared exactly what they wanted to do to me - but it was never without an obvious lead-up that implied consent and comfort on my part. She was Irish, beautiful and four years younger than me. She was already there when I arrived, sitting on a black velvet seat in the back corner of the bar, and wearing the tight black dress from her photo. Sleeping with Nikky changed me. With men, I was lucky to swipe right once every 40 photos. We kept in touch for a while until she got back together with an ex-girlfriend and I started to fall in love with a guy. We played around with each other's bodies for hours, then fell asleep tangled together.